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venomxcupcake
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Name: Joanne
Gender: Female
Interests: Music pretty much makes up my life. Fine, a lot of people say that, but I mean it. It puts voice to the feelings you cannot define. I love to write songs. I play guitar and bass and I'm taking up drumming as well. I also like writing fantasy stories, because they help me to escape from the real world.
Expertise: Fucking up everyone's life
Occupation: Musician
Industry: Media
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  YouLoveToHateHer
MSN: kuvitteellinen@hotmail.com
Member Since:
6/8/2006
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| So much for updating more.
Whooot, Logic Studio arrived today. Stuck the disc in the disc drive and it tells me it's going to take 2 hours to install =| Two hours later it says "please insert the next disc", then tells me it'll be installing for another hour. I still have... 6 discs... oh wait, 5 now. Dear Gods.
In a random facebook poll I got asked the question "Do you think atheists are immoral?"
My answer: "No... what a stupid question."
I mean, what kind of narrow-minded bigot would think that? Okay, so I don't take orders from the Bible/Qur'an/other religious book or God/Allah/other higher being... guess what, I still have a conscience. I do what's right because it's right, not because some supreme being says so. I think that makes me just as moral as any religious person.
And just because you're religious, it doesn't make you a moral person. So many have died in the name of religion. Take the Crusades. How many died because of Christianity? Plenty. And you can't forget extreme Muslims, giving all Muslims the label "terrorist" (not saying they are, because I know plenty of Muslims and exactly 0 of them are violent because of their religious beliefs, or even all that violent in general). And what about Catholic priests molesting children? That's not very moral. Ugh. It just annoys me when people think their religion makes them superior and everyone who doesn't have their exact same beliefs is misguided and immoral and needs converting. Ugh.
On the bright side, I'm really getting used to my Mac. I still like my PC, but my Mac's faster and the graphics are nicer. Oh, and my Mac has an inbuilt camera and microphone... wtf, I can't put smilies in my post. Is that because I'm using my Mac, I'm using Safari or xanga's being a dick? Hmm.
College is a drag. Don't want to go to lessons. I get a lie-in tomorrow though, for a whole hour-ish. And when the days are dark, an hour is hardly anything. I don't even notice I've had a lie-in. It is, as Ben would term it, "gash". I've got Chemistry first thing tomorrow... joy. Followed by Biology, which is okay because I like Biology. We're studying respiration at the moment so a lot of my food and nutrition knowledge comes into play. Mhmm. Eeexcellent.
Also, while I'm here, I'd just like to say I've finally decided it's time to stop watching the X Factor. Either it is rigged or Simon Cowell's just a plain dickhead. Whatever the case, he's lost my respect. My mum and I have agreed that this week we shall not be tuning in.
And on that note... I fare thee well. | | |
| I should start updating more... not just when I feel the need to rant / be depressed =|
So I now have a Mac... don't have Logic yet but we're getting to that stage  I have to say I much prefer PCs to Macs... perhaps that's because I'm used to my PC. The Mac is a lot nicer in terms of graphics and it's a lot faster in general but... meh. Other than that, it doesn't have much going for it. And its web browser, Safari? Ugh. I'll stick with firefox. I used to be an IE girl but the bug that kept making it bring up infinite tabs that made my whole computer freeze was just too annoying. Now I'm used to firefox... I guess the annoying thing is most people's xanga sites look rubbish. In fact, a lot of sites in general look rubbish. But aaahh well. You can't have it all.
My singing teacher, Charlotte, keeps telling me I have an amazing "head voice" (ie soprano). Now that I think about it, I find it easier to sing Nightwish (Tarja era) than I do Evanescence or Paramore. High notes? No problem. I can hit top C. Not very well, but it's recognisably a top C and not a squeak, and considering I've had no classical training I think that's pretty good.
So... I might start focusing my voice up the top end of the spectrum... and start writing songs using a higher range.
I should also say I love the song Planet Hell by Nightwish. Mmm. Lovely  while I do think Anette is a good singer, I prefer Tarja. She's more unique. But I'm not going into the Tarja vs Anette debate. They're as good as each other, just at different things.
Ben and I are good. Wow, it's been over 11 months. That's amazing. Just a bit longer and it'll have been a year =| that's so strange... I never imagined myself being in a relationship for this long. And when I first started going out with Ben I honestly thought we'd last about 2 weeks. Psh. Just goes to show.
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| So regarding my last post, life is fine again. I stopped talking to Ben about anything that is even remotely on my mind and he seems satisfied.
I guess it kinda screams "get out of the goddamn relationship" when you can't talk to the other person about anything because you don't want to lose them. But meh... I'm happy for the time being. I guess that's what I have friends for. Or what I'm supposed to have friends for. In reality I don't have friends. I suppose I just have something about me that drives people away from me. Wow, I hate myself. No matter. It kinda figures that no one likes me when I don't even like myself. Hell, why would people like me?
For some bizarre, unknown reason I started crying while Dave was talking to me in my Media one-to-one progress review. I'm not sure why I did that. He told me to talk to people. He asked me if I talk to Ben... I said of course I do. Like fuck do I. I can't talk to him because he writes it off as 'pissy' and 'negative'. I'm not entitled to hate myself, and the fact I'm weak enough to do that makes me hate myself even more. Whoot, vicious cycle. Dave also told me I have a tendancy to take the weight of the world on my shoulders. Well, it'd be selfish to share it. If I can't be happy I might as well be useful. Hmm. Whatever.
Yeah okay, I really am pissy and negative. That's why I write. When I write I become God. I design the characters, I control their decisions and I determine their fates. I can keep them alive and kill them at will. If I says something happens to them, it happens. And I escape for a moment. This world doesn't exist. Their world does. I exist in their world... and I control it. God knows I can't control my own life.
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this post. It's just pathetic drivel because I haven't written for ages. Meh.
Frank Turner gig: pretty good. I enjoyed it more than I expected to. Frankie Boy himself is a nice enough bloke. Makes me proud to be British. And he played the three songs of his I actually know so it was all good. Support bands? Beans On Toast made me laugh. Not so fond of his rapping but meh. He had a very "fuck it" attitude. "Was that the first or the second verse? Fuck it, I'll skip to the end. Yeah, there was another verse, but I can't be bothered to play it". Basically he was rather unprofessional but no one really cared... he made us laugh, bless him. The second support band were just very mediocre. A very nothing-special pop-punk band which left Ben and I rather unimpressed.
Alice In Chains on 6th December and Paramore on the 11th. I still need a gig buddy for Paramore. Feh.
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| So I just have to rant.
Y'see, I had an argument with Ben last night. Words he used to describe me: negative, pissy and selfish.
Right, so he's a fine one to talk about any of these things. As far as negative goes, he's so much more negative than I am As far as he's concerned there's no point to life or anything in general. He tells me I complain about everything, and yet what the fuck does he do? Complain about how he hates everything. Do you know how frustrating it is trying to talk to someone who hates everything? There's almost no point in coversing with them, because you know they're going to say "I hate (whatever you just said)". So maybe I'm a bit down at the moment. But at least I'm not constantly pessimistic.
Pissy. All girls are fucking pissy. It's in our nature to be pissy. Now I wanted to know how I was being more pissy than normal. What's the response? "Fuck it. I cba to talk about this tonight. I'm sorry I fucking said anything". Tell me that isn't the pissiest of pissy replies.
Selfish? Aren't we all? Don't we all have our moment when we just want to do something for ourselves? He told me I talk about myself too much these days. What. This is not something I've noticed. I've just been talking about whatever comes to my head. And apparently that's complaining. But whenever in the past I've said "I'm sorry, I'm complaining, I don't mean to offload on you and be a pissy bitch" all he's ever said was "when I signed up for this all those months ago, I signed up for the whole package". He told me it's fine. So why is it now not fine? Am I missing something here?
And then, after all this, he tells me he's just annoyed because I've been telling him to grow a beard. I would just like to say I WAS JUST TEASING. It's always been just teasing. He teases me too. It's what people DO. And it's not like he doesn't do anything which doesn't fuck me off... like touching my arse or my tits constantly, even when I push him away and tell him to stop. When I have to do this multiple times a fucking hour, YES I GET PISSY.
Well, whatever. Apparently I can't talk to him about anything, because it's just "complaining" or "being pissy" or whatever, so I'm going to just talk to my xanga. Fuck talking to people. They don't actually want to listen, it turns out. Not even the person who's supposed to listen. Just. Fuck. It.
<3
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| One... more... day...
Then it's the weekend. And after that it's Progress Review week, of which I only have half my lessons (Biology and Chemistry). This suits me just fine. Especially because I've been writing so much lately. I currently have 7.5 completed chapters of a Balthier/Fran fiction (I can't believe I've actually dropped to the point of writing video game fanfics... that's when you know you have no social life) and many ideas for one-shots. I also have got my hands on a copy of FFVII, which is apparently one of the best games of all time, so I'm looking forward to playing it 
What is not pleasing me at this particular moment is this Media essay I have to do. OK, so it's my fault for leaving it until the last minute and realising I actually need some help with it... although to be honest, I don't understand what's so wrong with leaving things to the last minute. Seriously, what's the huge issue? As long as the work gets done, does it matter when it got done? Guh. But anyways, I've realised I have no idea where to start. Hmm.
I would just like to say that Check My Brain by Alice In Chains is an incredible song and I'm going to see them on the 6th of December  I also still need a gig buddy for the 11th when I go to see Paramore... hmm. Oh, I'm going to see Frank Turner with Ben on Sunday. Hehe. Ace. Not my scene to be perfectly honest, but I guess I've no choice... as long as he plays Reasons Not To Be An Idiot, The Real Damage or Photosynthesis I'll be fine. Maybe over the weekend I should give his new album a listen though XD
Soooo... this year... I will have been to 5 gigs (Nickelback in May, The Wildhearts in September, Frank Turner this weekend and Paramore and Alice In Chains in December). That's pretty good going for me 
Going to try and aim for 6 next year
Should be easier... being in Leeds / Bath / Nottingham / Coventry means there will be trains and buses to various places with venues. Although Leeds and Nottingham do have their own venues. Not so sure about Bath and Coventry. Heh. We'll see...
I've almost finished my UCAS application. All I have left to do is finish my personal statement, and I've sent that off to Claire (my tutor) so she can check through it, give me pointers, tell me how to round it off and check for any grammar / spelling mistakes. I am applying to Bath Spa, Leeds, Nottingham and Coventry. Not sure where I'll go yet... I have an open day at Coventry next Saturday and the Tuesday after I have an 'Open House' day at Leeds, where I'll get to see the faculty of mathematics and physical sciences (yeah I know, since when was Nutrition a physical science? Would've thought it was biological personally but oh well...)
I'm off to write some more now...
<3
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