Y'know, I actually really like reading through my old xanga entries. So they're not particularly interesting, but I guess I like reminding myself of what I've been through, events in my life, how I was feeling... it makes me feel in touch with myself, in a way. I'm totally not myself these days. I'm a lot more... distant, uncaring... maybe even a little hateful. But when I read those old posts I remember who I really am. I remember those feelings.

I've also remembered that this xanga site was 3 years old on June 8th and I totally forgot  how could I? How could I forget something so important? Uh... well... you know... important in a... oh never mind

Do you ever find yourself reading through old posts? You should. You sometimes come across old memories and smile or laugh, or you think "wow, I've come a long way since then".

I got a card and a drawing from Ben today. He sent it from where he is on holiday (Lowestoft)... it's quite sweet, in a way  he's not really the romantic type but he lets me know he loves me. And it makes me feel totally fucking guilty for having fucky emotions where I don't know what I want and complain about his faults... I'm not perfect. I have learned to cope with other people being imperfect too... but I still fucking whine about it. I'm pathetic.

Had to clear out my room of everything yesterday because I was supposed to be getting a new carpet today... but the carpet people haven't arrived yet =| not sure where they could be. They were supposed to be here at half ten but there's no sign of them. At all.

My dad's being totally fucking annoying too... he's doing that thing where he tells everyone who'll listen what he's going to have to eat and why... "Well, I'm going to have an omelette now, because that's made of eggs so it's got lots of protein in it" and "I've had nearly 150 grams of protein so far today" and "Steak's got nearly 100 grams of protein in it, so it's really good for your muscles". It is just so. fucking. annoying.  He seems to think that because his friend Brian has told him some stuff he is suddenly a fucking nutrition guru. Which he is totally not! I'm always having to correct him and tell him why food x isn't as healthy as food y. It makes me want to hit walls, dammit! And make great big holes in them with chainsaws. Chainsaws, I tell you! CHAINSAWS!

Oh, and our oven's still broken  why does life have to be so annoying?!

<3