I'm off to Reading soon. I've got to go to my cousin's party. I can't say I'm really looking forward to it. The thing about my cousins is that they are... so... closed-minded. They see the world in black an white. If you are exactly like them, then they'll accept you. But if you're not then they'll turn on you and make fun of you. And that's why I feel like such an outsider.

They don't seem to be capable of having intelligent discussions. If you say something meaningful, it's not meaningful to them; it's just "emo" and trashy. You can't even debate with them, because they won't listen or even attempt to understand your point; they already have their answer, and whatever you say won't matter.

I say all my cousins are like this... it's not exactly true, I suppose. It's really just AJ. However whenever Ryan and James are around him they act very much the same, as do any of their friends as well as Ryan's sister Karissa. Becky and Nicole are okay, but I don't really have anything in common with either of them. So I end up just hanging around the adults, trying to be interested in their conversations and... failing.

I guess I was just born to be an outcast. I'm not exactly the girl who has many friends. I don't fit into a 'group' of people. I'm always stood on the edge. An outsider. I know I don't belong. It's like this everywhere I go: at Oakham; at Rutland College; at taekwon do; anywhere. I'm a wanderer. A traveller with no home. I roam from one place to the next, occasionally setting up my tent and lighting a campfire, but I don't have the money to buy myself a house, and I can never stay too long as the locals don't quite know what to do with me... because I'm different. I don't fit in.

And I tell people this and they tell me I can belong to "their" group. But it doesn't work that way. The rest of the group are never quite willing to let me in. Or maybe they are, but I just push them away without meaning to. I don't think I do, but I don't really understand what other reason there could be. People just don't seem to know what to do with me. Is there something about me that tells people to back off?

Maybe I'm a born loner. Maybe I'm not supposed to have friends. Maybe I'm just supposed to live with that.