| | So regarding my last post, life is fine again. I stopped talking to Ben about anything that is even remotely on my mind and he seems satisfied.
I guess it kinda screams "get out of the goddamn relationship" when you can't talk to the other person about anything because you don't want to lose them. But meh... I'm happy for the time being. I guess that's what I have friends for. Or what I'm supposed to have friends for. In reality I don't have friends. I suppose I just have something about me that drives people away from me. Wow, I hate myself. No matter. It kinda figures that no one likes me when I don't even like myself. Hell, why would people like me?
For some bizarre, unknown reason I started crying while Dave was talking to me in my Media one-to-one progress review. I'm not sure why I did that. He told me to talk to people. He asked me if I talk to Ben... I said of course I do. Like fuck do I. I can't talk to him because he writes it off as 'pissy' and 'negative'. I'm not entitled to hate myself, and the fact I'm weak enough to do that makes me hate myself even more. Whoot, vicious cycle. Dave also told me I have a tendancy to take the weight of the world on my shoulders. Well, it'd be selfish to share it. If I can't be happy I might as well be useful. Hmm. Whatever.
Yeah okay, I really am pissy and negative. That's why I write. When I write I become God. I design the characters, I control their decisions and I determine their fates. I can keep them alive and kill them at will. If I says something happens to them, it happens. And I escape for a moment. This world doesn't exist. Their world does. I exist in their world... and I control it. God knows I can't control my own life.
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this post. It's just pathetic drivel because I haven't written for ages. Meh.
Frank Turner gig: pretty good. I enjoyed it more than I expected to. Frankie Boy himself is a nice enough bloke. Makes me proud to be British. And he played the three songs of his I actually know so it was all good. Support bands? Beans On Toast made me laugh. Not so fond of his rapping but meh. He had a very "fuck it" attitude. "Was that the first or the second verse? Fuck it, I'll skip to the end. Yeah, there was another verse, but I can't be bothered to play it". Basically he was rather unprofessional but no one really cared... he made us laugh, bless him. The second support band were just very mediocre. A very nothing-special pop-punk band which left Ben and I rather unimpressed.
Alice In Chains on 6th December and Paramore on the 11th. I still need a gig buddy for Paramore. Feh.
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| | Posted 10/22/2009 11:28 AM - 3 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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